My Love/Hate Relationship With Christians and The Church!

be careful with your words
James 3:5 

Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.
The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

Before I start this let me state for the record that I LOVE the "church" (ekklesia - The Body) and in saying that have a deep love for the Brethren who walk and live according to the Word and in whom I see the fruit and the love of the Spirit!

I am somewhat jaded when it comes to the Church and Church life and will attempt to humbly explain it in this post. My experiences with Christians (flawed human beings at best) have not always been positive ones.

In my teens I was accused by a woman in my Church of being a drug dealer although up until that point I had never even tried any drugs in my life. I believe looking back this was to keep me away from her impressionable daughter because the reputation that proceeded me before giving my life to God in those years was far worse than the truth actually was.

I saw a leader in the Church as a gossip, a liar and a hypocrite.

Previous to this I was sexually molested by a man, a leader in another Church that I had attended since a young child. I was groomed and molested. very frequently and every time he had opportunity. Again a leader in the Church doing things that I knew were wrong yet felt powerless to do anything about.

When I did finally get up the courage to come forward to Christians that I trusted I was told "he would never do that." It is the stigma of growing up in a small community where your church leaders are also business leaders and can lie and hide the truth of their sins.

I was told about 4 years ago that he was accused of this once again and how many more victims are there YET I kept quiet because no one would listen!

I left the Church for many years choosing to lead a rebellious, sin filled life BECAUSE of these two incidents in my life.It has made me even more aware of how my choices in what I say and what I do, especially to young people, can positively or negatively impact them.

I will not go into details about my journey, at least not at this juncture, but will say that during what I call my wilderness years I still carried and read my Bible. It is funny that God always had His hand on my life even when I was making bad choices.

I came back to God several years ago. I cannot give an exact time or date but I just started living different, being different, thinking different and being very aware of my fruit and my life as well as the choices I was making.

I am more gentle. I rely on my God and have a faith that is strong and sustains me.

I was afflicted several years ago with a Social Anxiety Disorder and didnt leave my home very often except to work. I do not know what caused it or how it came to be and have previously written about it.

I am happy to say I am getting better.

I have always attended "church." Depending on your definition of Church! I define it as brethren getting together to worship and to discuss. To pray for one another and to lift one another up. This can be either in person, on the phone or online.

I know some will disagree with me but in my times dealing with SAD sometimes online fellowship was all I had. I know others (many others) in the same boat and they are on their journey in life and we need to encourage any fellowship and not be putting people down for the way they decide to fellowship.

I am now able to attend a larger church although I have to admit that I feel quite lost in the large amount of people that go there. Sometimes I feel my SAD kick back in and i have to refocus but I do enjoy the teaching.

So, that is part of my journey. I share openly but don't go into details about things at this point unless I have to with people I know in my life.

Do not be one of those Christians who sits in the pew on Sunday and then gossips about others during the week and be careful what you say about a young person as it could affect their life for years to come. Words are powerful. Use them wisely.

***Just for the record I have forgiven the two people who did this to me in the past and do NOT blame them for all of my poor choices in my life. They may have been catalysts for some but in the end I am ultimately responsible for any poor choices I made.


My Theological Views and Postings

I have some time tonight and wanted to take some time to discuss how some of my theological views are changing and how I am changing my life in view of my thoughts.

I am online a lot as that is the world which I live in. I advertise and make money from working online and teach others different online strategies to make money. I also participate in many conversations pertaining to the faith.

I have been a Believer as long as I can remember and although I have fallen away and chosen my own worldly paths many times I have come back to serve my God with a stronger faith than ever. I can only say what the Bible says. Nothing more, nothing less.

Having said that I can read a passage of Scripture and several others can read the same Scriptures and have a very different understanding. This is what I am seeing online when people start to discuss several hot button topics such as healings, tongues, gifts of the Spirit, the Bible, Hebrew Roots etc, etc, etc.

I see people spending copious amounts of time arguing with each other over vain philosophies. I just have come to the point where I dont engage. I see and hear what people say but my job is to listen to what God says to me.

I need to look at my own life. Is there sin in my life that God wants me to change? Are there areas of my life that need to change in order for people to see God in me? If there are I need to make a plan to change those areas in me!

Are there ways that I can show love? Are there ways for me to be of service to others? These to me are more important than whether I can argue with someone over some specific doctrine. How am I making a difference?

My postings are going to change as I walk out some of the things I personally need to change. I will be looking for areas to serve and be more giving and helpful to others.

I am looking at an opportunity to be more minimalist in order to have more to share. I am looking for ways to make a living online in order to share that with others who need to make just a little extra. My life will be about serving.

Let's face it. I cannot do much about what our Government is doing or how our economy goes but I can change my little world and be a different person to all of the people in it.

So my posts will be about positive things, about my journey, about things God says to me. You may like it you may not. This blog was started years ago to be a personal blog and somehow I got about doing things in a different direction. I need to be more personal and more transparent so that is where I will start.

I hope you like it. I hope you join me on the journey but if not be blessed and be at peace.